We get offended when we are reminded of something that happened in the past; it could be something made up. Sometimes the more you do the more you lose. What goes for others will not go for you. People do things when you've said you don't have to do that, and they show off about it whilst making you feel shit. Sometimes if things aren't clear cut you have to make it so, or there'll be a grey area. I have a right to life without people judging; look after my interests. It's alright for others to do bad things; they don't have to defend themselves. Destructive people including those with drink problems say 'what can i get away with?' when you should be saying 'what can i accomplish today?' When you suss them they're the ones to cut and run instead of having dialogue. You are shown certain things so that you can learn about them; we learn what we need to learn. It is a beautiful spiritual journey. Some of us offer social cachets or financial cachets. They can be venting outlets.
Self preservation doesn't work; ask the now guilty Amanda Knox. Let this justice help the Kerchers move on. No more circus.
Stop demanding, suggesting, being needy.

Back on the Scotch Bonnets; the no1 seed. Was careful to have milk after or there'd be a ring of fire.
Had Fourpure IPA at Westow House, Crystal Palace last night.
Why the long face; it's the Chinese Year of the Horse tomorow..'my heart will go on'.
Want to go in a Lamborghini Murcielago, Hummer H2, Skyline, Rolls Royce Ghost and Phantom.

I wish i handled some things better; to get some respect, it was my fault. Always thankless. I tried, did my best. Not a pariah.
Saw some Jamie Oliver. So you get Friday Night Feast and Friday Night Dinner on Channel 4. There was a veg moussaka; puy lentils, chick peas, wine.
That Linney chap on Dragons Den only made the Cloud; he looks money. And i have a feeling Peter Jones is going to nick the mobile phone water repair kit idea from Kelly Hoppen.
What films do you try and catch every time they're on? Blood Diamond, Tsotsi, The Constant Gardener. I still like a little bit of danger. Solomon's son Dia was made to do horrible things; that menacing reverberating backbeat. But love breaks down disorientation. My redemption before i pass on. What can i do for someone? When Solomon holds the publication with Danny's pic longingly, lovingly. Our paradise.

Saw the much heralded 12 Years A Slave. Those Southerners were certainly psychotic; lacking any emapthy whatsoever. What Brad Pitt said to Christian Bale was pertinent and powerful. Benedict Cumberbatch was the more sanitised version of slave owning, who was in awe of Solomon's violin playing prowess. Solomon was an educated man at odds with his plight; his spirit did not falter.
Physical, sexual humiliation was a reflex action..there was regular castigation, getting in trouble for things they didn't do. They were ordered to hit each other; and you can't hit your kindred. The slave owners were shown to be tormented characters, supposedly holding up scriptures to subjugate those different from them. Solomon eloquently and earnestly spoke of his 'unspeakable happiness' to be reunited with his estranged family.

There was a piece on Steve McQueen last night but Mark Kermode was irksome as ever; trying to make himself look the clever one, so better off watching Benidorm. But 12 Years is more than a film; it's a starting point for dialogue, it's a stark reminder of a heritage and subconsciousness seared and scarred shamefully by the pain of slavery.

Interested in Ulrika's riposte to Stan Collymore. She's raw from from what was meted out to her. The good part of me would like to think that what he did was in the past. Unfortunately for him he is getting villified for legitimate views which as a respected observer of the game he is allowed to express without comeback, ie Suarez did dive, he was already going down at the point of contact; i guess Colly has created a shedload of bad karma, he has not shown any responsibility for his actions and is lost in a sea of self pity. He did have destructive tendencies with her. So who's right and who's wrong? How subjective is it? Sometimes you do tie your colours to the mast, other times you're the devil's advocate. Lord Rennard has clearly absolved himself of any blame much to the chagrin and distress of the victims; disingenuousness reigns. It doesn't matter how much he's done for the party; all it takes is one tenacious person and now it might cause a 'bloodbath'.
How refreshing to see Russell Kane on This Week; compare to the heinous Katie Hopkins..wowing rather than riling, you want a guest that's right on the money, someone with substance behind the jokes.

Seattle and Denver in the Superbowl; they smoke the real good shit there..that's what i'm talking about. Belushis here doing dirty chicken; wings, not bingo ones..cheerleaders, cheese dogs, beer buckets.
Did the 'no carbs after 5pm' rule. You can also do the 'hand rule diet' ie portions of food measurable in your hand. Like the rhythm in running. Water, veg, salad; hope not hackneyed to say the best of 2013 will be the worst of 2014.

Sometimes you go through things the hard way but you enjoy the battle of it. Subtle changes, of mindset. I know what's going on behind the scenes but i will not let the past impede our tomorrows in any way. Don't field for too many opinions or you'll lose your mojo. You need to have something to go to. Keep certain identities separate and quietly get on with it. The happiness is yours.

Met one of my icons today; his aura is amazing. On set i enjoyed quince jelly with my cheeseboard. Walked back the three miles; bought some Irish beef..half price roast. Didn't go out Sat night. The alcoholocaust going ok.

Saw Vieira and Keane for the first time last night. It was like a scene from Heat. You can not like someone but have respect. 'Make the enemy suffer' they said; you can have formidable adversaries. Don't be anyone's punchbag because they feel like it; ie that guy in Sheffield with learning difficulties..sometimes law and justice looks after people..who gets away with it all their life?..

Hadn't seen a friend today in two years. She said i'd be a good dad; as i'm caring and considerate. Photo was alright considering it was four hours sleep. Saw a band rehearse; great process. People are brought together in amazing ways.

Be a figurehead of love. If i was doing my own New Years honours list there'd be several people, unwavering in their loyalty. Why is Pretty Woman trending? Because it's great storytelling. Not just wishful thinking. Everything is relavent; U2's blockbuster of a song New Years Day has that wonderfully poignant line 'I will be with you again'. Now the dust is settling on Christmas and New Year, you can look back on fond memories and say 'it was amazing'. New Years was about shaking people's hands; to be part of a collective atmosphere..i wore a shirt and tie. Even if someone is not completely happy they have to spread some happiness. We have private moments; other times we can try and bring a little something to a greater good. No one gets left alone and if we are asked to share with others then it's special. Even if some encounters are fleeting they still hold a sparkle. Didn't go out Sat and Sun but 30th was good. Bumped into friends later that night. Wasn't going to go out New Years but the tv schedule was poor and i'd had my fill of yoga.
Fri 27th in Richmond was delightful, went to an Indian on Boxing Day.
After Pretty Woman saw more romance in the Rebound with the hot Catherine Zeta Jones. I think they got together in the end; he'd done his living and travelling, got a kid, looking for a mother figure..the time was right for them.

2013 nice knowin ya, 2014 watch out. There were failures and victories. There'll be magic and sparkle to keep your chin up.