Replace unsustainable with quiet life

 I'n not really acknowledged, mentioned on social media by some people. I'm on my own in town while they stuff their face on Sunday roast. If i'm on my own on Christmas Day so be it.

 Major work stress. Which is impacting on my personal life. Maybe i should've gone to London to see my Mum. Sometimes the sum of the strands just equals that stress. I'm not that well off; spending is a worry. 

 Life is complex; doing things others wouldn't. After 3 cancelled trains and a 2 hr delay yesterday i was traumatised and sought sanctuary of the coach today. I can't entertain the idea of using an inept service; i've decided not to do double shifts on same day if it's out of my hands.

 Still the small time snipers think you don't have the credentials. They are buoyed by false confidence; their parallel universe has encroached on your real world/ real time one. I don't have to prove myself; i don't need to do certain jobs..been working 40 years. What started off as a 1 year project became 3 years-now it's over 5.5 years. I've applied for an old job which i haven't done in that time. What is jokey with others in a bonhomie style is deadly serious when applied to me. Unlike these people i don't make excuses or try to manipulate others. Take responsibility; find an answer, figure out how to do it. I hugely enjoy proving cynics wrong.

My friend Hayley the lively chef who works opposite is from Cambridgeshire and says i shouldn't live there. The county likes things to be the same; apparently people move there to avoid brown people and half castes. There's lots of murderers and the flesh eating pigs have lots of human teeth in them. I have been threatened with torture and a slow death,

 My Mum's not well; it's not about the rest of the family-it's about if her pain is unbearable for her. Sometimes i think 'Take her now' it seems too cruel. Whatever adversity there has been this is a whole new level and i have to step up the response/